What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
