My friends, they love my intelligence
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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