I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
