i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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