weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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