i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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