so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
