i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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