I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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