i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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