you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
