I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
