The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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