For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
