never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
