Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
