My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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