Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize