If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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