During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
