i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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