i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
