I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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