I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
