Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
