Jerry, you need to find god
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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