btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
