Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize