i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just gargled with NyQuil
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
