I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize