Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
