Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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