Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
