apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
