after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
