Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
