Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
