i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
