Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
