yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
