I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
