So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
