I can text with my tongue
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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