her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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