Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
