Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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