You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
