I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
