One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
