How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize