im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
