another moral hangover. fuck.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize