I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
