Your tits are I can't wait for
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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