We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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