my text book just quoted the cookie monster
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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