Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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