HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
pray to the hookup gods
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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