Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
