how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
