it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
