Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
