White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
