The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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