I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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