it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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