I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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