i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My pussy is not your playground.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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