Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
