Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
