I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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