OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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